Don't really want to think I don't want food but I can't stop eating a disgusting way to be eating is disgusting I am disgusting my legs look like tree trunks but I am not even so beautiful as that Can hardly imagine living without this feeling though always thinking about what I have been eating when I have to stop when I've gone too far when I'm doing alright but even then in the mirror fat fat fat that's all I see and I tell myself there's salvation in starvation but I can't imagine never eating again its ridiculous how much I think about, depend on food for happiness when in reality it only makes me hate myself with a wild and desperate passion I wish there was an easy solution If I had been born differently, I would be thin already.  3 years and I've cut back more than I even imagined I could yet my body is unchanged.  My body is a cage.