i guess i ought to be grateful to have been blessed with a body. it works. i breathe. i think. i have a brain that can do better than i. if i had ever wanted to strive for anything i could have done it, im sure. but all i see is triviality. i think the only way to shake that is by making something real but i dont think im good enough.  and even then there is the futility of the human race, endlessly circling itself.  the life on this planet is interesting and maybe worth something but i find that more in the plants and the water than i do in us.  i think perhaps there is something in the spirits here. but what fools we are. we created a god who looks like us so we could feel divine. you are worshiping yourself. if there is a god they are not like you. there is no god in what we have created. i believe in something but not your god.

Nightmare

z and i in the street something happens my head hits the pavement hard but i get up fast hes gone im screaming his name run across the street where is he panic shaking terror realizing i cannot be alive myself without him.

open me up

i am holding myself in hard all my muscles are tensed in an effort to save myself i am scared open me up breathe air into my lungs open me up i’ll die

fool

i want to be stuck in your head

Pathogen

give me chemicals
disinfect/infect
make me contagious
the virus is in me
the virus is me

Halloween

disarray

 i hadnt seen him in a while i never thought i would again but there he was.  i can deal with the feeling. i can deal with him, sort of.  sometimes i am not sure if i still love him or if i just love what he was to me before but he makes me feel like im dying whenever hes around.  i know how to shove these things down inside me so no one sees but they are ruining me.